Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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