i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
