Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
