trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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