Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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