If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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