I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
