woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
