I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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