As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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