new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
