She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
