I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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