just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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