Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
