My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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