i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
