lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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