Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
