Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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