I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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