Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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