literally had 100 drinks last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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