The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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