she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
