Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
