drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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