I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
