she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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