I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
