tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
