hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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