he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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