i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
