So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
