woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
