my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
