grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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