I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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