Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
