are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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