Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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