I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
