We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
