hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
