Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
