I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
