he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
