"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
