That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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