they need to just BURY HIM!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
