Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
