I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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