You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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