We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
