i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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